Okay.

So I've migrated to my parents room, because I am more than positive that I've had a little too much of that seasonal eggnog and whiskey. I tell ya what though, being home for from deployment is MAD refreshing. I mean other than the much needed massage I will be diving right into after Christmas, my life is sitting at a solid 97%, and I'm loving it. Being home with little no obligations at all is grand, considering I've burned every bridge possible in my home town. Seriously though, that was probably the best thing I've ever thought of. I mean who wouldn't want to be at home with my family, all day long? Just earlier we listened to Whitney Houston's greatest hits while looking at my cruise pictures, (R.I.P Princess) and now my 17 year old brother is getting wasted with my dad in the backyard. Even though all that gold is going on, I decided to hide out in my parents room and blog because I feel like I've got so much to jot down, but nothing is coming to me. Like ever. Nothing ever comes to mind when it's time for me to start documenting my life. I don't even know how I feel. Should I blame the Navy for that? It's the holiday's and while everyone is wondering just what they might've got for Christmas this year, all I'm thinking about is how I'm going to change my life next year.

I NEED A NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION!

But like, nothing cliche. I want to change something and mean it. Like how I feel about people, because I have convinced myself throughly that I'm just not a people person. Or my attitude toward my job, because like I've mentioned before I'm above complaining about my job at work...but it's fair game on the internet. Right? Like that's logical, because the internet is our safe haven. Yeah?

I really don't have a clue.

Like whatever happened to Christmas? When did I get old enough to be so vague toward something that meant practically everything to me at one point? I remember Christmas like 15 years ago. I would wake my sister up before the sun was up, and we'd be mad hype to open our barbies. Now, well now our entire house is drunk and it feels so much different. Not negative. Just different. Trip on that for a minute. Life sure is precious.

                               

The holidiay's in the Wilcoxson household is probably not as ridiculous as I think it is. Like my mom isn's completely out of her mind, and my dad isn't like MAD inconsiderate. Also, my baby brother is not a potential drug dealer. NONE of this is happening, because that is pure ridiculousness. Today has been pretty fun, hustling around Target with my sister dodging very very reasonably nice holiday shoppers looking for presents for my very very uncomplicated parents.

I think I'm going to stop typing and just help my sister not kill herself.

It's Been a Long Time Coming...

...but finally after conquering 4 countries, and winning the entire war on my own, I have returned to America to do me and everyone else to the fullest. For example, Iphone shopping on my esty app and buying this gem (for myself), and not thinking twice about it. Now that I'm officially homebound, I'm just lying in bed staring at the ceiling thinking about how deep it is sleeping in your parents house when you're an adult. It's probably the most comforting thing. BESIDES BABY GIRL OVER HERE DOESNT HAVE TO PAY FOR A THING FOR THE NEXT 2 WEEKS. HEYYYYO.

"Should I post a picture of my toenail-less toe on my blog?" -me, 5 minutes ago.

"Why would I even want to do that?" - me, now.


Anyone can mature in 5 minutes.

I deploy in 4 days.




I go to war in 4 days.




I am number 4.

Just want to make note of a few things:

1) it's 7 am, and I'm up for whatever reason wishing I could be at work.

2) reading my first book electronically "divergent", and the book is a bad bitch. Really enjoying it.

3) really upsetting that I still haven't figured out how to post pictures on blogger with this iPad. So now my blog is a spitting image of myself... a constant flow of me, just running my mouth.

4) I think it's important for you guys to understand that I'm above crying about work at work, but via Internet blogger its fair game. Though that was pretty obvious.

5) I've grown a vast and deep hatred for twitter. I don't know we use to be the best of friends. At one point it was just me and twitter. Now, well now every time I login I try to keep from vomiting.

6) cutting all bullshit, I think ive been sick for a little over a year now. Way sick. Mad sick. Unrelentingly sick. Like so sick that I don't even want to make an appointment to find out I'll die before I'm married. So instead I get high on NyQuil when it's time to sleep.

7) I've been doing this thing were I act like I'm excited about deployment when I'm around certain people like my mother. It's like I have to pretend to be at ease about it. Though I am pretty excited, I'm nervous beyond imaginable. It's not the "war" part, because hey! "when it's your time...", but I think it's the 9 months of hardcore Navy living but intensified to the bajillionth power. It'll take a part of you, I'm sure.

8) lastly, I put myself on the worlds most torturous diet last week. I'm really mad that I don't take care of my body, the way I use to. Goal: work out? Reality: no time. So as of right now the lover of all foods is hanging up her jersey.


Anyway, I'm about to shower because I want to wash my face and stuff.

I'm a survivor.

At last.


I finally found time to actually sit down a write a post. I figured "what better way to spend the next 8 hours on watch?" it was either this or aimlessly going through people's albums on Facebook. So much has happened, and so much is going to happen. So much is going on.

I don't know, I've just been so inspired lately.
-Getting my guitar out of storage, and playing it for the first time in neatly 5 months. I'm not really all that great, but I love playing.
-Read a blog solely based on a couples story on their adoption in Uganda, and their new daughter. I've been following the story for a while now. Though it's very rare that I fall into people's antics on the Internet; but this story and these people just seem so genuine.
-Went to a high school graduation recently. My cousins, and she's such a treat to be around. Call me corny, but shes the first person in years that has influenced me the most to get back in school.

Just to name a few. Getting ready to deploy here in the next week, so I made it a personal goal to update at least daily up until then. Anyways, I'm on watch right now. For those of you who have no idea what I mean by watch...you suck and you're dumb. Just kidding. I'm listening to The Lighthouse and the Whaler on daytrotter, and I'm about bust out the ole pen and pad. See where this inspiration I speak of takes this beauty queen.

I love how I just WATCHED my phone ring. I didn't answer it because I couldn't think of a way to get out of what ever social gathering I was about to get invited to...fast enough. So I watched it ring, nervously, as if the person knew I was deliberately ignoring them.

Reasons I hate to love Fresh Market

Had the privilege to walk around our local Fresh Market today. I ended up just lingering around bad mouthing the place for being so welcoming. I did this for an hour. Why I was so disgusted with the place? Well:

-The free East African blended coffee just out for everyone's enjoyment. I get it, the coffee part. But these weren't sample size cups, these were "please enjoy this east African coffee because we're more than positive you'll never have it again" size cups. Shut up, Fresh Market.

-CBS had a news story on how glad the community is to finally have a Fresh Market, and spent a lot of the segment discussing their very divine potato salad variety. Okay Fresh Market, you have a deli. Oooooo. Potato salad isn't suppose to be 9 dollars, you can't make potato salad 9 stinking dollars!

-They seriously expected everyone to sanitize their buggy after each use, oh yeah Fresh Market because only you have worlds most responsible customers.

-Their sushi chef is Asain, and everyone who works in the bakery is plump. Go figure.



Ha. Fresh Market... I secretly love you so much.

I have to be up in 6 hours to drive 11 hours to Virginia tomorrow, but I can't sleep because I waited until the last night to get drunk. Such a smart and responsible lady I am. Shout outs to my neighbor who kept filling up my wine glass with that barefoot goodness. I'll be in a hospital somewhere in South Carolinar tomorrow, that's if I make it that far.

My little (6'4 170lb) brother is such a joy. He brings nothing but laughter and loves spending time with me. He loves me so much, that he literally recites his Facebook timeline to me and we laugh together at his very sad illiterate friends.

This was all before I had to literally scream at him for an hour to stop "free-styling" in my ear, because if anyone in this world will become a rapper it WILL NOT BE MY BROTHER. Not just because I just wouldn't allow such non sense, but because he just flat out sucks. Big time. But I love him anyways.

He also spent about 15 minutes forcing me to watch his favorite Rick Ross music videos on his very cracked iPod screen, while I was looking up banking information on my laptop. So it was very fun pushing his arm from in front of my computer screen while screaming "I DON'T WANT TO LOOK AT THAT RIGHT NOW, ANTHONY" very loudly in his face to get him to stop. In return, he grabbed both my arms with one of his hands then placed the iPod 4 cm from my pupils. It was fun.

True bonding experience.

Oh, okay he just held both my arms down and blew his breath directly into my face. I love this kid all too much.

Are Lips are Arhhh Arhhh Arhhh, seals. Are Lips our Seals. OUR LIPS ARE SEALED.

because I heard this song in rite-aid while picking up my drugs, and it reminded me of the time when I actually thought I was going to "get into" The Go-Go's, but didn't because this was their only decent song.

Not a lot going on over here, honestly. Somethings I do believe I should be a little more excited about, but instead I'm being pretty vague toward:

My promotion. I did, in fact just get promoted. Now don't get me wrong I was pretty excited, then the excitement faded. Quickly.

I got an iPad. The new iPad. It's awesome, I love it. Now, I'm just trying to figure out what books I want to download electronically. I don't even know if I'm going to like reading books electronically.

New allergy medication works pretty good. I mean it's non-drowsy, what more could I ask for? At least now I can take my meds, and not retire the night. Right? So exciting.

The 60lbs I'm more than positive I've gained over my leave period. Who wouldn't be excited about being FAT!


Welp that's all I've got for now, because One Tree Hill is on, and I've got some catching up to do.
*that was me being serious.

Blogging this blog from my new iPad, it's so boss!

This is the conversation between my parents I over heard while I was sleeping (pretending to be sleeping) in my parents hotel room:

Dad: You know honey, we could've BBQ'd.
Mom: Tony, I'm not BBQing, I'm on vacation.
Dad: I don't need you to BBQ woman, and I was saying we could have. Damnit.
Mom: Why are you even thinking about BBQ, we're on vacation?
Dad: Shots*, I just saw folks BBQing outside, and thought it was a good idea.
Mom: Don't be a follower Tony, follow your own dreams.
Dad: It is my dream.
Mom: Whaterver, Tony.

*Shots or Schatzi is a German nickname my dads been calling my mom since before I can remember. I believe it means sweetheart or dear. Okay, I looked it up it means sweetheart or dear.

Boat Woes

"Sometimes you need to cry a little bit. So you start crying, but it ends up being a lot because: you have all this built up anger raging through the core of your soul, and you literally have no one to vent to, because those who surround you are the "haha, let's watch porn at work" kind of people and you can't find it in your heart to take them seriously, and then you loose a tool at work...but your story doesn't add up so it looks like you're a liar and all you want to do is scream "I'M NOT A LIAR!" because you're in the Navy and it's not like the pressure to be prestige isn't enough, and all you want to do is call your dad but you can't because its like 4am at home, and the only phone on this piece shit boat is a pay phone and the LAST thing you want is to get caught "crying to daddy" by some idiot big headed sailor and become the laughing stock of the ship, so you sit by yourself in a corner typing up run-on-sentences like a damn fool." - written by the angel below on May 13th @ 5:07 am.

             

                                   

First of all, how would you become the laughing stock of the whole ship idiot? Their are over 4,500 people aboard, and your issues are irrelevant. Stop being a baby.

I really love my sister, glad we get to be sisters for a week.

First time I open my photo booth in months, and this is the rainbow I give to you.

So because my stuff has been in storage over the 90 days I was given, I was forced to pull out my "oh boy, haha thought my stuff was going to end up on storage wars" joke on 3 telemarketers, and got 0 laughs.

You know what the absolute most confusing thing is? Because it just came to me. Hit me like a pound of feces straight in the mouth. Just foul, and eye opening at the same time.

So YOU KNOW ME and my satanic allergies, right? Well I'm just sneezing away, just going about my congestive business...and my very openly atheist friend says "god bless you, homie". So I look deep into his soul to confirm his sarcasm, and he was being all kinds of sincere. Not that I said anything, because I didn't, but I'm not going to lie I was pretty confused. Like did he forget that he didn't, oh I don't know, believe in GOD? Orrrrrrrrrrr, is saying "God Bless You" after a sneeze kinda like saying "Happy Birthday"? Oh, okay so initially saying "God Bless You" isn't in fact a blessing after all, BUT just a way to acknowledge the sneezer? Got it.

Anyways guys, are we genuinely just dishing off blessings to every single hoodrat who decides to sneeze in our presence? Whatever, from now on only he who has the power of Thor is worthy of my blessings. So don't go sneezing around me and expect a damn thing.



Kaboom.

I didn't die or anything..

I really suck at keeping a blog. It's retarded how many times a day I'm all "oh, this would be a really GREAT blog post", and I totally just blow it off and watch any movie I can find with Ryan Gosling in it.

Well a bunch has happened since the last time I decided to blog. Got some visitors! My sister, our friend Jelly (her names not Jelly, I'm not even sure what her name is) and my two gawgeous cousins from SWEDEN! Here is a little piece of my weekend with these gals in picture form:

 

If you find it in your heart to get past my impulsive iphone picture editing, you can almost see me crying happy tears in every photo. My sister is like a sister to me, it's weird I know. Anyways, these ladies had to get going so I was left to hangout with these idiots for the remainder of my weekend:

*I may or may not have had a "four loco", first of all we won't get into that.

Anyways, so yesterday, we are at MONDAY now. Totally was late for work, because...well I got to see a very special ed friend of mine that I haven't seen in years!

This PYT has been missed! She's "ride or die". Going on deployment with each other, so we will LITERALLY die together. So exciting.

Alright that's that. Do we even need to get into the fact that I walked an old Filipino woman across the street, and bought my co-workers 5 year old daughter froyo? NO? Okay, I mean I'm not a hero. 

That being said, I'm calling it a post. I'm extremely exhausted, but we aren't going to get into that either. Also, PEE ESS: NOT POSTING "THE BOAT CHRONICLES" BECAUSE I JUST DON'T THINK IT'S APPROPRIATE. DIDN'T MAKE THAT DECISION ON MY OWN, BECAUSE I'M NOT THAT SMART.

P.S. My official "You're Whack if you Haven't Seen These Movies" movie list.

Also Known As, "Movies I will be Downloading for Deployment" movie list.

-The War

-Romy and Michele's High School Reunion

-It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

-The Pianist 

-Men of Honor

-Interview with a Vampire

-Training Day

-White Men Can't Jump

-Pee Wee Herman's Great Adventures

-The Departed

-Lords of Dogtown (HEY! don't you dare judge me. I'm in love with Jeremy Renner)

-Good Fellas

duh.

"howds" (what modern day/ hip cowboys say)

It took me nearly 98 million tries to log on to my blog, because I forgot my username. Who even forgets their username? Anyways, I'm back for a little while, just kicking it at my neighborhood Starbucks. Not going to post the "boat chronicles" just yet, figured I'd wait until I'm officially back. Found a fancy little journal I've been eyeing at Barnes and Noble..someone convince my cheap ass to just buy it. Please?

Anyways, the idiot at Starbucks messed up my order. Like, uh what part of grande ice double vanilla latte meant grande iced quadruple shot of espresso latte? I can literally feel my pupils dilate. Today should be interesting. I'm so nonchalant and vague lately, like I'm so totally mello. I can feel the pulse in my wrist just faintly...pulsing. Seriously. Forreal. It's not the good nonchalant either, it's just me adapting to the "flow" of things. Kinda like giving in to all this bull.

Fuck it, I'm buying that journal. I'm buying that iPad. I'm buying that new lens for my camera. I'm going to kill myself.

*figuratively.

Whodathunk?

First of all, do I even need to explain to you why I'm blogging from my iPhone in the "head" at work right now?

I leave today, can't really put too much out on my blog; you know top secret navy stuff, but what I can say is this: I will keep a journal of my day to day events on this "evolution" and write a 900million page blog based on what i can share. Pray for me good people of America. Please pray.

I have a blog?

It's not that I forgot, it's just I'm more than positive that this hangar doesn't have wifi. It would be pretty dumb to bring my laptop to work, huh? Which sucks, considering I've worked 12+ hrs all this week. I could have told my life story in the time I've been here, doing absolutely nothing. Oh, it's Saturday? Oh, my sister flew all the way to Virginia to hangout. Oh, I'm still at work?

Navy, suck 6 million dicks then get a grip for fuck sakes.

Welp

WARNING: If you decide you're going to read this, brace yourself. I'm about to go off on a random spur of the moment tangent based solely on my current emotional state. Viewer discretion is advices. 

We'll start with a question:

Why is it that I can accept that 2 1/2 years ago I joined the Navy somedays, and other days I sit in my car crying my eyes out after a 14hr shift where I have everyone I work with repeatedly reminding me that "this is just a normal day here at 103"? Damn, and realizing that this is my life for the next 3 years isn't sitting right in my tummy. Naturally, I'm an emotional person by default. This was discovered when I was just a young little lassie, but for the last 2 1/2 years I think I've been pretty unbearable to be around. My sensitivity level sky rocketed, and is just chilling in the galaxy of "please let me out of the navy". I'm in dire need of some good news, or a surprise. Like now. Something has gotta change quick, because I'm spooked that I may loose it. It's like every bad thing just feeds on the other, and I get anxious or mad really quickly. Then I don't even remember why I'm angry, so I get embarrassed, thats how this tornado of emotions is born. I really like taking situations that upset me, and flip them so its funny, it helps me cope with the stress. Lately I'll just type it in a note on my iphone, and go back and read them weeks later and crack up laughing all by my lonesome. I wish I could share half of this crap on my blog, but its a bit too personal, and would take me forever to post all of it. Sooooooooo. 

In a nutshell, I'd say truthfully that I'm about 97.6% sure I'm depressed. Being so young, and doing something you absolutely hate because you swore to do it really takes apart of you. A huge part, I mean that part I use to love about myself. It's gone. 2 1/2 years later, and I'm still wondering what happened to me. I'm really sad, simple as that. I hide it pretty well, I must say. Being a huge goof isn't a cover up, but at the end of the day being goofy doesn't help the fact that I feel trapped in someone else's world. I feel really bad for my sister (my best friend) because she gets most of it (all of it). If I need to cry, I call her. If I need to laugh, I call her. She listens, and pretty much tells me to tighten up. However, like most "civilians" she doesn't understand the severity of my stress, so it's kinda pointless in the end. All in all I just want to feel youthful again verses so much pressure to do EVERYTHING right.

Other than family, I don't really have a support system. I have friends. Everyone has friends. If you don't have friends, then you're probably not alive. So that really is scary. Anyways. Most of my friends are actually in the Navy. The Navy has this neat way of sucking harder than Hilter's existence, but introducing beautiful people into your life simultaneously. Having friends in the Navy helps, times 6 million. They understand what I'm going through, and probably feel the same way I do. Probably. Other friends, like "hometown" friends always say the wrong things at the wrong time, and I try my absolute hardest to shut them out. Really horrible thing to say, but after working 9 1/2 hrs with NO food, the last thing I want to do is read a text asking me to do something for you. Whens the last time you even asked me how I am doing? I AM TOTALLY DIRECTING THIS TOWARD SOMEONE. Stop doing that, Diamond. I guess my problem is that my textile definition of the word "friend" is based off tv sitcoms like The Golden Girls and…Friends? So i should probably lower my standards a tad bid. Those people aren't real. Real people don't care that much. Which is why I'm convinced I'm not human, because I care entirely too much. I'm my own worst enemy in the most literal form of the statement.

Also, I basically just sit around in my room, at work, in the grocery store thinking of what I "wish" I could be doing. I honest to God don't have a clue as to what exactly it is, that I'd rather be doing, but a girl can day dream. I mean I left home, BAM, accomplished that. Left the good old "turtles nest" and out in the dark sea of life. BUT excuse me if I missed the memo, but what's next again? What's next for me? Or is this it. This couldn't be it. If so, then what is the god damn point? I mean I did this right? I signed the contract, and gave my life to the government. Who am I to be all pissy on an internet site complaining about how miserable i am. Right? WRONG. I've held my tongue for too long, and that's were this aggression is coming from. My brain is like a god damn volcano, it's erupting onto this blog at 1:06am. Not to completely contradict myself, but I'm not ashamed of myself at all. I've accomplished so much. I love the fact that I'm "serving my country", its a beautiful feeling. It's just not for me, and I'm obligated to live the most uncomfortable life. It's impossible. I can't believe I've done it for this long. Good on me... (dots)

Not to mention I've had the same coat of baby blue polish on my toe nails since November.

Uhhhh, I'm going to bed.

Now and Then

You know what?  I loved being a teenager. I had so much fun being stupid and young and dramatic and obnoxious. I remember just driving around throwing water balloons at people at the strip mall with my little brother. I think it's important to be all of those things at one point. So I guess I won't go apeshit on the loud teens that sit in front of me in the movie theater. It's just there turn to be hoodlums. Right? I wouldn't say I've grown up, completely anyways. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've got almost too much growing up to do, but being in the military has taught me to fend for myself.

It's funny though, how many people I've been over the past 7 years. I mean do I even need to hack into my old myspace to show you pictures? High school me would have probably thrown eggs at military me's car. So obnoxiously loud and reckless. Too reckless almost, no such thing as sleep, when now my world pretty much revolves around "nap time". I was apart of our "local scene" (sold merch for a local band consisting of all my closest friends at the time), spent all my money on shows, and wore band tee's religiously. Boy, those were the day.

I'm glad I was that person, because those times were the clay that molded me into the lady I am today. Now, I'm all about being productive. I honest to God feel guilty if I feel like I didn't do enough during the day. Wake up early, get things done, then "fun" time. I'm in the military (NAVY) so I'm on the clock 24/7, and on my down time there is ALWAY something that needs to be done. You're not an adult if you do not agree. I work out everyday in order to maintain my Beyonce figure. Then we have duty, which is completely inconvenient and time consuming. Not too much time for relaxation, and it's exhausting. Like dropping the toast jelly side down exhausting. But when I do find the time, oh how glorious. I spend a lot of time ( and money) drawing. I'm not all that good honestly, but it's a great way to pass the time, for me anyways. I'm a damn girl, I love to shop, so I do just that...way too much? Listening to and finding new music is always fun. Really been into The Black Keys, Kanye West, and Kimbra lately. Also got Eisley's new EP Deep Space, it's nothing short than amazing. 

Anyways, so I thought long and hard and decided if I, military Diamond were to ask high school Diamond just one question it would be "hey kiddo, uhmmm real quick, where in the damn do you get all  of that energy?" Then I'd tell her she was rad, and warn her that Taking Back Sunday will someday disappoint her. 

I think I'm where I want to be in life, right now. Well I just need to find some of that Ice loves CoCo love, or i'll just end up like Kimmy Kardashian. Sympathize with us.

now: eating a bowl of cinnamon toast & new found glory playlist is on shuffle.

blind melon?

Seriously, who remembers that Blind Melon song 'No Rain'? C'mon guys, Blind Melon: the 90's hippy one-hit wonders? "All I can say, is that my life is pretty plain. I like watching the blahhh dada yeah" It's a damn good song, and the video is pimp. Watch. Enjoy. I'm so white.

On the 7th day:

You guys know how in the movies when the girl gets dumped, or just all butt hurt, so she goes to the bar alone and gets drunk real quick? Like she goes to bar, tells the bartender all her troubles while getting good and hammered, then walks on home. Okay, you're either with me or not.


Now, how do you go about doing that when the nearest bar is 8 miles away, and you're afraid of being raped?


I'm asking because well 6 out of 7 of the days since my last blog post where glorious. Day 7 was as awful as the Clippers beating the Lakers. Should have seen it coming, I mean c'mon right? 6 consecutive days of happiness and glee, who in the shit do I think I am? I got to see my humor hero Kevin Hart live and that was pure gold. IT SNOWED. To most, that doesn't seem too thrilling, but it was quite intriguing . Ate at this extremely delicious Japanese restaurant with some new friends, and the sushi was superb. Bought a dress. Watched some Denzil Washington in that new movie 'Safe House', Ryan Reynolds didn't ruin it. loved..so so much. Got some good sleep, did some drawing, and had some coffee. Just 6 refreshing days, what more could a girl ask for?

but on the seventh day...
I got pulled over for going, get this, 4 miles over the speed limit. I'm already pissed because Starbucks had no birthday cakepops, so naturally I give the cop lip. I'm looking for my drivers license, registrations.., and I can't find my insurance papers anywhere. Stressing out big time by now, and this chipper ass-hat cop is just smiling and crap. Sends me over the edge. He lectures me, for I shit you not 20 minutes about the safety of speed limits, and lets me off with a "verbal warning." BAM.
The movers that packed my shipment from California leaves a voice mail pretty much telling me that my storage time was cut from 90 days to about 2 weeks, so I needed to figure out my permanent living situation so they could drop my shit off. Which is completely inconvenient considering I DO NOT HAVE A PERMANENT LIVING SITUATION. Not to mention I'm pretty sure I was running a fever, and my headache was as ugly as Kevin Bacon. So at this point I decide to take a nap, but nope, my roommate who I'm not sure if I liked or not was blasting music. I mean she's nice and all but she's a little snarky, and short, and does this side pony tail thing. I couldn't take her seriously. (She's gone now, left for Japan) I leave, and decide to go grab some food. Debit card gets all the way the fuck declined, and I drive away to some hidden location and start screaming. Like how in the damn could all this happen in 1 day.
I got over it though, went to an ATM took 40 bucks from savings and bought a 6 pack of Blue Moon. Had four and passed out right before the Grammy's started, which is good because I was team Foo Fighters. Whatever, though.

Anyways, I'm at the liberty center, and these idiots put on Breaking Dawn. I'm going to leave before I start crying.

Will someone please punch me in the mouth, and remind me that I'm not in California anymore? Nothing huge or anything, just wore flip flops outside again in 40 degree weather. Toes are throbbing. Punch me in the damn mouth.

I feel like my life has become some joke, or lack of one. This isn't funny guys, I'm spending precious time trying to come up with some logic behind my misery. Take today, as I'm driving back to my barracks I witness a hawk swoop down and kill a seagull. That's right, this hawk pecked the god damn out of this honest little seagull. As everyone finds amusement in this, taking pictures and what not, alls I can think is "this must be a sign, some sort of subliminal message from the universe."Naturally, my mind is forcing me to believe that Virginia is the hawk, and I'm this innocent seagull, my life just being pecked away.

Anyways, I took a nap and now I'm up blogging about todays events and I realize this: all I do on this blog is blab on about how miserable I am. Whatever, right? It's my blog, and I can rant if I want to. (That's so original) I don't know, I think I'm going to take tomorrow for what it is. I'm going to try to express myself in a more graceful optimistic tone, verses this grim/uninviting one.

I said try guys, don't get all aroused now. We'll see, we'll see.

here's a little visual, for those of you who decide you're going to sympathize with me.

Virginia Beach: First 36hrs

Everyone who knows me knows that I jump to conclusions, and over exaggerate just about every elementary situation. I'm a "drama queen", or as I just put it "queen", because well I'm royalty. Duh. NO, like I was sayi---typing, Virginia Beach for 2 years is not ideal for me. I'm an Army brat, I'm used to moving, and I'm used to being "the new girl." Blah Blah Blah, I learn to adapt and get over it. Honestly, I'm sick of having to settle into/ adapt to places I can't even see myself being happy in. I've only been in Virginia 36hrs, and I've come to terms with gradually accepting my spiritual defeat. I mean, I signed the contract...right?
Being that it's only been 36hrs and concluding such a thing is a bit dramatic, don't you think? Well I don't. I'm new. I have a roommate, that I'm more than positive is "not my type" of person. I'm new. This base is 73X bigger than my last one. I'm new. I'm still awkward. AND I'm new.

Honestly, I think It's just anxiety; bunch of idiots told me I was officially entering "the real Navy", and my support system (aka everyone I left in El Centro) isn't here to laugh everything off with me. I'm sure I'll meet very amazing people here in Virginia, hell, I may even meet a cutie boy with lots of money, but as of right now I'm alone. I'm alone, and it's scary. OKAY, that's not 100% true either. Just today I spent about an hour catching up with an old friend who has been stationed here since we left Florida together back in 2010. It was good seeing a familiar face, and I'm so thankful for that. I remember having conversations with my friends back in El Centro, they kept telling me this is "a new chapter, or a new journey" I think if I keep thinking of this, moving to Virginia, as a journey; It will ultimately help me get over my anxiety. I guess that's what this post is about, in a nutshell. Getting over it. That's about the only thing I can do.

Something that I haven't even mentioned yet (wanted ya'll to sympathize with my sorry ass) is that my dad is actually KINDA here with me right now. Okay, he is totally here with me right now. He drove me up here from Georgia, and doesn't leave until tomorrow. He helped me move into my new barracks, and we actually went "exploring" today. Found out that the actual Virginia Beach...BEACH is about 7 miles away from base. Also found out that Chik-fil-A is close enough to smell. AND their is a Starbucks on base. Having my dad here has been nothing short of a blessing. He's the coolest 49 year old I know, personally. That being said, I think knowing that he leaves tomorrow is what I'm really upset about. But, I've been in the Navy almost 3 years now, and I've made it this far...so it's safe to say that I'm more than positive that I'll be alright.


If not? I'll just find an elevator shaft...and jump.

"well I miss my old house and my old room. The soft, fate whistles of the trains at 3 AM, and at 5 in the morning too"

fambly away from home.

Here I am, about 36hrs left in the dessert. Not doing too much, I'm hangin' with the "woman of the year", jammin' Biz Markie; you know the usual. I wouldn't say I'm sad just yet, being completely and utterly anxious about Virginia is time consuming. I mean when I think Virginia, my first assumption is "oh, Columbus Georgia's carbon copy." But that couldn't be fair, right? Like who am I to prejudge Virginia? Which leaves me questioning myself. Like when'd I get so judg-ie-ish? Anyways, that ridiculously good looking woman to my right is Tierra Hammond. Have you ever just clicked with someone so absolute, it literally threw you backwards? I know, me neither. In all seriousness, T is one of those people who you hate complementing because her head expands, but she's also one of the smartest people I've ever met. It's inspiring actually. She also has one of the most darling babies I have ever caught glimpse of.

His names Xavier, and I'm just so in love with this kid. Practically started living with these two in *base housing, when he was born 6 months ago. These two are the closest thing to family I have here in El Centro, gunna miss these turds. So that being said, I figured I should post something on this blog, because it is a blog for crying out loud. p.s. *base housing: sorry excuse for living quarters on any/all military facilities. Later, idiots.

 Happy family spam. Whatever, you're jealous. *rolls entire eyeball.

Me, trying to be funny on Facebook...

but stopping myself because I am not.

I'm not really "feeling" today. Coincidently this is just one day after my "oh, you can do it. be all that you can be" blog post. Honestly, it's this move. Too much to handle at my maturity level. Like this is about a 7.9, and I'm clearly at a solid 4 on the maturity scale. Clearly. Went to work and blahshitted for an hour or so, and now I'm in bed about to watch 'the devil's rejects'. Don't want to be the only idiot whose never seen it.

OH! I have sinus migraine. Probably the same sinus migraine I've had for 3 years now, which, in reality could be some different medical condition, and considering I'm not invisible, could very well kill me.
THAT WAS A RUN-ON-SENTENCE.

You guys ever get pissed at Zoey Deschanel for breaking things off with Ben Gibbard, or am I the only person who invest precious time into other peoples problems? The next Death Cab album will be legendary. Goodbye for now.

With a happy heart

Two years ago, I was afraid of wanting anything. I was afraid that wanting would lead to trying, and trying would lead to failure. Two years ago, I made the decision to leave home, I wanted so much and needed to act on it. Two years ago I joined the United States Navy, and now I've come to realize that I want so much more.

I want to visit Europe regularly.
I want to get invited to the White House.
I want a condo in New York.
I want to win, and be humble.
I want to loose, and contain my composure.
I want the world for my family, and I want them to want it too.
I want so much, but ultimately I want opportunity.

Being in the Navy has taught me plenty, but most of all I think I've learned that the opportunity is out there; the only factor is how much do I want it. With a happy heart, and a serene spirit you can see through almost anything. It's almost like backing up, and looking at the whole picture. Even the blurry parts. It's not wrong to know what you want, and it's not wrong to know that you may not get it. It's only wrong when you sell yourself short, and only settle for whats expected. I guess all I'm trying to say is, I've given myself a pretty good start, and all I really want is an interesting and surprising life that I can look back on and smile. Not just for me, but for my family and friends that I love dearly. For people that I don't know that have dreams, and for the people I do that are afraid to want, to try and to fail. Everyone deserves at least the opportunity, with a happy heart..

I call this:

Have you ever just started drawing something, and hours go by and you're still in the process of drawing this...something? That's just the thing though, what is this? Haha, I've come up with a few titles and these are they:
- Diamond in Methland
- The Chronicles of Diamond, the gremlin, the song birds, and the circle head kid. (my personal fav)
-Go to sleep, Diamond

really tough, so I think I may just sleep on it.

Clearly... CLEARLY

I mean how "into" yourself do you have to be if you have someone taking pictures of you...taking a picture of yourself...Diamond? THEN, posting the picture they took verses the picture you took, because  it looks more "bloggy"? I just made that word up. Clearly I have nothing better to do today. I put my iTunes on shuffle, and every 9 songs or so The Beach Boys come on, and I've come to realize that I really just HATE The Beach Boys. Like why'd I download those idiots anyways? Really into The Temper Trap and Cold War Kids lately. I like the whole soulful dude voice over fancy guitar riffs and drams...drums, whatever. Checking twitter, and some idiot on my timeline just posted 4 different sad faces in 4 different tweets. Like we get it, you're having a bad day. This blog is just a quick jot of current thoughts. Like how I really miss "this dude", not gonna get into that. Like how I have absolutely nothing to eat in my room, and how the commissary is closed because it's Sunday. Like how I really wish I had a bunny rabbit, and how like I've been hinting to everyone I know that a bunny would change my life. Like how I'm moving to Virginia in like 13 days, and how like WHO just moves to Virginia? Right..right? On everything I love, The Beach Boys just came on again. Like how I over use the word like.

Anyways, I had a dream in which I took nearly 6 shots of espresso because it tasted like chocolate syrup. Of course. Naturally, this dream occurred during my drunken slumber. Oh 21, how thee changed my world. Clearly.

Rollllllling Stonesssssss

on rollingstone.com there is a list of The 100 Greatest Singers

I was curious to whom held the number one spot, and a couple of people were in my mind. Like me? haha right. Anyways, the spot, in the end, was given to Aretha Franklin. Aretha Franklin, though I never really took the time to ever just sit down and actually LISTEN to Aretha Franklin, I was completely aware of who she was (considering I'm not a complete idiot) Anyways, there is a little description they have to the right of her photo. It had the date she was born, her most popular songs, and other artist in which she has influenced. Then under are a couple of paragraphs about her, and her voice, and how it has moved so many people. It's like this for the other 99 artist who made the list too. So I started to skim through her dedication when I read "Even the way she pronounces words is amazing: In "Giving Him Something He Can Feel," when she sings, "Many say that I'm too young" — the way she says "I'm," you can almost see her saying it, like she's all in your face, but you're still right with her.", and it made want to listen to the song. I then realized that there is so much music out there that I don't even know. So much music that I want to know, I just don't even know it. Anyways, this is what I'm going to do. I am going to single handily go through all 100 of the artist on this list, and read up on them while listening to one of there most popular songs. BUT not one that I've already heard, take Ray Charles whom made number 2 on the list; I choose to listen to "You Don't know me" vs "Georgia on my Mind", get it? Idiot. Anyways, I'm on number 2 and I have a long ways to go. I'm pretty excited.

*hrs later*

I think my favorite is Buddy Holly who came up 48 on the list. I liked him most because he was just some dorky looking white kid from Texas, who died way too early. I look of him (and The Crickets) and it reminds me a lot of kids today. Just a group a guys…in a band. Except Buddy just so happened to be in the band that influenced the band that influence the band you're in. Or even your favorite band. I also think Buddy Holly would have been my best friend, but thats for another blog in which will be titled "People I wish were alive, so I could attempt a life long friendship with". Buddy would make 3rd after Tate from "American Horror Story" and Professor Snape. 

There were a couple of people who ever placed, in my opinion, incorrectly. Like Lennon before McCartney? Elvis 3rd? NO. I mean, Elvis makes the list; yes, but Elvis is not 3rd. The fact that Stevie Nicks didn't even make the list is beyond me, and neither did Lauryn Hill. Like WHATTTTT THE SHIT, right? Besides all that ridiculousness I can say that I truthfully learned a bunch about music, I mean because I thought I knew everything already.