I didn't die or anything..

I really suck at keeping a blog. It's retarded how many times a day I'm all "oh, this would be a really GREAT blog post", and I totally just blow it off and watch any movie I can find with Ryan Gosling in it.

Well a bunch has happened since the last time I decided to blog. Got some visitors! My sister, our friend Jelly (her names not Jelly, I'm not even sure what her name is) and my two gawgeous cousins from SWEDEN! Here is a little piece of my weekend with these gals in picture form:

 

If you find it in your heart to get past my impulsive iphone picture editing, you can almost see me crying happy tears in every photo. My sister is like a sister to me, it's weird I know. Anyways, these ladies had to get going so I was left to hangout with these idiots for the remainder of my weekend:

*I may or may not have had a "four loco", first of all we won't get into that.

Anyways, so yesterday, we are at MONDAY now. Totally was late for work, because...well I got to see a very special ed friend of mine that I haven't seen in years!

This PYT has been missed! She's "ride or die". Going on deployment with each other, so we will LITERALLY die together. So exciting.

Alright that's that. Do we even need to get into the fact that I walked an old Filipino woman across the street, and bought my co-workers 5 year old daughter froyo? NO? Okay, I mean I'm not a hero. 

That being said, I'm calling it a post. I'm extremely exhausted, but we aren't going to get into that either. Also, PEE ESS: NOT POSTING "THE BOAT CHRONICLES" BECAUSE I JUST DON'T THINK IT'S APPROPRIATE. DIDN'T MAKE THAT DECISION ON MY OWN, BECAUSE I'M NOT THAT SMART.

P.S. My official "You're Whack if you Haven't Seen These Movies" movie list.

Also Known As, "Movies I will be Downloading for Deployment" movie list.

-The War

-Romy and Michele's High School Reunion

-It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

-The Pianist 

-Men of Honor

-Interview with a Vampire

-Training Day

-White Men Can't Jump

-Pee Wee Herman's Great Adventures

-The Departed

-Lords of Dogtown (HEY! don't you dare judge me. I'm in love with Jeremy Renner)

-Good Fellas

duh.

"howds" (what modern day/ hip cowboys say)

It took me nearly 98 million tries to log on to my blog, because I forgot my username. Who even forgets their username? Anyways, I'm back for a little while, just kicking it at my neighborhood Starbucks. Not going to post the "boat chronicles" just yet, figured I'd wait until I'm officially back. Found a fancy little journal I've been eyeing at Barnes and Noble..someone convince my cheap ass to just buy it. Please?

Anyways, the idiot at Starbucks messed up my order. Like, uh what part of grande ice double vanilla latte meant grande iced quadruple shot of espresso latte? I can literally feel my pupils dilate. Today should be interesting. I'm so nonchalant and vague lately, like I'm so totally mello. I can feel the pulse in my wrist just faintly...pulsing. Seriously. Forreal. It's not the good nonchalant either, it's just me adapting to the "flow" of things. Kinda like giving in to all this bull.

Fuck it, I'm buying that journal. I'm buying that iPad. I'm buying that new lens for my camera. I'm going to kill myself.

*figuratively.

Whodathunk?

First of all, do I even need to explain to you why I'm blogging from my iPhone in the "head" at work right now?

I leave today, can't really put too much out on my blog; you know top secret navy stuff, but what I can say is this: I will keep a journal of my day to day events on this "evolution" and write a 900million page blog based on what i can share. Pray for me good people of America. Please pray.

I have a blog?

It's not that I forgot, it's just I'm more than positive that this hangar doesn't have wifi. It would be pretty dumb to bring my laptop to work, huh? Which sucks, considering I've worked 12+ hrs all this week. I could have told my life story in the time I've been here, doing absolutely nothing. Oh, it's Saturday? Oh, my sister flew all the way to Virginia to hangout. Oh, I'm still at work?

Navy, suck 6 million dicks then get a grip for fuck sakes.

Welp

WARNING: If you decide you're going to read this, brace yourself. I'm about to go off on a random spur of the moment tangent based solely on my current emotional state. Viewer discretion is advices. 

We'll start with a question:

Why is it that I can accept that 2 1/2 years ago I joined the Navy somedays, and other days I sit in my car crying my eyes out after a 14hr shift where I have everyone I work with repeatedly reminding me that "this is just a normal day here at 103"? Damn, and realizing that this is my life for the next 3 years isn't sitting right in my tummy. Naturally, I'm an emotional person by default. This was discovered when I was just a young little lassie, but for the last 2 1/2 years I think I've been pretty unbearable to be around. My sensitivity level sky rocketed, and is just chilling in the galaxy of "please let me out of the navy". I'm in dire need of some good news, or a surprise. Like now. Something has gotta change quick, because I'm spooked that I may loose it. It's like every bad thing just feeds on the other, and I get anxious or mad really quickly. Then I don't even remember why I'm angry, so I get embarrassed, thats how this tornado of emotions is born. I really like taking situations that upset me, and flip them so its funny, it helps me cope with the stress. Lately I'll just type it in a note on my iphone, and go back and read them weeks later and crack up laughing all by my lonesome. I wish I could share half of this crap on my blog, but its a bit too personal, and would take me forever to post all of it. Sooooooooo. 

In a nutshell, I'd say truthfully that I'm about 97.6% sure I'm depressed. Being so young, and doing something you absolutely hate because you swore to do it really takes apart of you. A huge part, I mean that part I use to love about myself. It's gone. 2 1/2 years later, and I'm still wondering what happened to me. I'm really sad, simple as that. I hide it pretty well, I must say. Being a huge goof isn't a cover up, but at the end of the day being goofy doesn't help the fact that I feel trapped in someone else's world. I feel really bad for my sister (my best friend) because she gets most of it (all of it). If I need to cry, I call her. If I need to laugh, I call her. She listens, and pretty much tells me to tighten up. However, like most "civilians" she doesn't understand the severity of my stress, so it's kinda pointless in the end. All in all I just want to feel youthful again verses so much pressure to do EVERYTHING right.

Other than family, I don't really have a support system. I have friends. Everyone has friends. If you don't have friends, then you're probably not alive. So that really is scary. Anyways. Most of my friends are actually in the Navy. The Navy has this neat way of sucking harder than Hilter's existence, but introducing beautiful people into your life simultaneously. Having friends in the Navy helps, times 6 million. They understand what I'm going through, and probably feel the same way I do. Probably. Other friends, like "hometown" friends always say the wrong things at the wrong time, and I try my absolute hardest to shut them out. Really horrible thing to say, but after working 9 1/2 hrs with NO food, the last thing I want to do is read a text asking me to do something for you. Whens the last time you even asked me how I am doing? I AM TOTALLY DIRECTING THIS TOWARD SOMEONE. Stop doing that, Diamond. I guess my problem is that my textile definition of the word "friend" is based off tv sitcoms like The Golden Girls and…Friends? So i should probably lower my standards a tad bid. Those people aren't real. Real people don't care that much. Which is why I'm convinced I'm not human, because I care entirely too much. I'm my own worst enemy in the most literal form of the statement.

Also, I basically just sit around in my room, at work, in the grocery store thinking of what I "wish" I could be doing. I honest to God don't have a clue as to what exactly it is, that I'd rather be doing, but a girl can day dream. I mean I left home, BAM, accomplished that. Left the good old "turtles nest" and out in the dark sea of life. BUT excuse me if I missed the memo, but what's next again? What's next for me? Or is this it. This couldn't be it. If so, then what is the god damn point? I mean I did this right? I signed the contract, and gave my life to the government. Who am I to be all pissy on an internet site complaining about how miserable i am. Right? WRONG. I've held my tongue for too long, and that's were this aggression is coming from. My brain is like a god damn volcano, it's erupting onto this blog at 1:06am. Not to completely contradict myself, but I'm not ashamed of myself at all. I've accomplished so much. I love the fact that I'm "serving my country", its a beautiful feeling. It's just not for me, and I'm obligated to live the most uncomfortable life. It's impossible. I can't believe I've done it for this long. Good on me... (dots)

Not to mention I've had the same coat of baby blue polish on my toe nails since November.

Uhhhh, I'm going to bed.

Now and Then

You know what?  I loved being a teenager. I had so much fun being stupid and young and dramatic and obnoxious. I remember just driving around throwing water balloons at people at the strip mall with my little brother. I think it's important to be all of those things at one point. So I guess I won't go apeshit on the loud teens that sit in front of me in the movie theater. It's just there turn to be hoodlums. Right? I wouldn't say I've grown up, completely anyways. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've got almost too much growing up to do, but being in the military has taught me to fend for myself.

It's funny though, how many people I've been over the past 7 years. I mean do I even need to hack into my old myspace to show you pictures? High school me would have probably thrown eggs at military me's car. So obnoxiously loud and reckless. Too reckless almost, no such thing as sleep, when now my world pretty much revolves around "nap time". I was apart of our "local scene" (sold merch for a local band consisting of all my closest friends at the time), spent all my money on shows, and wore band tee's religiously. Boy, those were the day.

I'm glad I was that person, because those times were the clay that molded me into the lady I am today. Now, I'm all about being productive. I honest to God feel guilty if I feel like I didn't do enough during the day. Wake up early, get things done, then "fun" time. I'm in the military (NAVY) so I'm on the clock 24/7, and on my down time there is ALWAY something that needs to be done. You're not an adult if you do not agree. I work out everyday in order to maintain my Beyonce figure. Then we have duty, which is completely inconvenient and time consuming. Not too much time for relaxation, and it's exhausting. Like dropping the toast jelly side down exhausting. But when I do find the time, oh how glorious. I spend a lot of time ( and money) drawing. I'm not all that good honestly, but it's a great way to pass the time, for me anyways. I'm a damn girl, I love to shop, so I do just that...way too much? Listening to and finding new music is always fun. Really been into The Black Keys, Kanye West, and Kimbra lately. Also got Eisley's new EP Deep Space, it's nothing short than amazing. 

Anyways, so I thought long and hard and decided if I, military Diamond were to ask high school Diamond just one question it would be "hey kiddo, uhmmm real quick, where in the damn do you get all  of that energy?" Then I'd tell her she was rad, and warn her that Taking Back Sunday will someday disappoint her. 

I think I'm where I want to be in life, right now. Well I just need to find some of that Ice loves CoCo love, or i'll just end up like Kimmy Kardashian. Sympathize with us.

now: eating a bowl of cinnamon toast & new found glory playlist is on shuffle.

blind melon?

Seriously, who remembers that Blind Melon song 'No Rain'? C'mon guys, Blind Melon: the 90's hippy one-hit wonders? "All I can say, is that my life is pretty plain. I like watching the blahhh dada yeah" It's a damn good song, and the video is pimp. Watch. Enjoy. I'm so white.

On the 7th day:

You guys know how in the movies when the girl gets dumped, or just all butt hurt, so she goes to the bar alone and gets drunk real quick? Like she goes to bar, tells the bartender all her troubles while getting good and hammered, then walks on home. Okay, you're either with me or not.


Now, how do you go about doing that when the nearest bar is 8 miles away, and you're afraid of being raped?


I'm asking because well 6 out of 7 of the days since my last blog post where glorious. Day 7 was as awful as the Clippers beating the Lakers. Should have seen it coming, I mean c'mon right? 6 consecutive days of happiness and glee, who in the shit do I think I am? I got to see my humor hero Kevin Hart live and that was pure gold. IT SNOWED. To most, that doesn't seem too thrilling, but it was quite intriguing . Ate at this extremely delicious Japanese restaurant with some new friends, and the sushi was superb. Bought a dress. Watched some Denzil Washington in that new movie 'Safe House', Ryan Reynolds didn't ruin it. loved..so so much. Got some good sleep, did some drawing, and had some coffee. Just 6 refreshing days, what more could a girl ask for?

but on the seventh day...
I got pulled over for going, get this, 4 miles over the speed limit. I'm already pissed because Starbucks had no birthday cakepops, so naturally I give the cop lip. I'm looking for my drivers license, registrations.., and I can't find my insurance papers anywhere. Stressing out big time by now, and this chipper ass-hat cop is just smiling and crap. Sends me over the edge. He lectures me, for I shit you not 20 minutes about the safety of speed limits, and lets me off with a "verbal warning." BAM.
The movers that packed my shipment from California leaves a voice mail pretty much telling me that my storage time was cut from 90 days to about 2 weeks, so I needed to figure out my permanent living situation so they could drop my shit off. Which is completely inconvenient considering I DO NOT HAVE A PERMANENT LIVING SITUATION. Not to mention I'm pretty sure I was running a fever, and my headache was as ugly as Kevin Bacon. So at this point I decide to take a nap, but nope, my roommate who I'm not sure if I liked or not was blasting music. I mean she's nice and all but she's a little snarky, and short, and does this side pony tail thing. I couldn't take her seriously. (She's gone now, left for Japan) I leave, and decide to go grab some food. Debit card gets all the way the fuck declined, and I drive away to some hidden location and start screaming. Like how in the damn could all this happen in 1 day.
I got over it though, went to an ATM took 40 bucks from savings and bought a 6 pack of Blue Moon. Had four and passed out right before the Grammy's started, which is good because I was team Foo Fighters. Whatever, though.

Anyways, I'm at the liberty center, and these idiots put on Breaking Dawn. I'm going to leave before I start crying.