I really love my sister, glad we get to be sisters for a week.

First time I open my photo booth in months, and this is the rainbow I give to you.

So because my stuff has been in storage over the 90 days I was given, I was forced to pull out my "oh boy, haha thought my stuff was going to end up on storage wars" joke on 3 telemarketers, and got 0 laughs.

You know what the absolute most confusing thing is? Because it just came to me. Hit me like a pound of feces straight in the mouth. Just foul, and eye opening at the same time.

So YOU KNOW ME and my satanic allergies, right? Well I'm just sneezing away, just going about my congestive business...and my very openly atheist friend says "god bless you, homie". So I look deep into his soul to confirm his sarcasm, and he was being all kinds of sincere. Not that I said anything, because I didn't, but I'm not going to lie I was pretty confused. Like did he forget that he didn't, oh I don't know, believe in GOD? Orrrrrrrrrrr, is saying "God Bless You" after a sneeze kinda like saying "Happy Birthday"? Oh, okay so initially saying "God Bless You" isn't in fact a blessing after all, BUT just a way to acknowledge the sneezer? Got it.

Anyways guys, are we genuinely just dishing off blessings to every single hoodrat who decides to sneeze in our presence? Whatever, from now on only he who has the power of Thor is worthy of my blessings. So don't go sneezing around me and expect a damn thing.



Kaboom.

I didn't die or anything..

I really suck at keeping a blog. It's retarded how many times a day I'm all "oh, this would be a really GREAT blog post", and I totally just blow it off and watch any movie I can find with Ryan Gosling in it.

Well a bunch has happened since the last time I decided to blog. Got some visitors! My sister, our friend Jelly (her names not Jelly, I'm not even sure what her name is) and my two gawgeous cousins from SWEDEN! Here is a little piece of my weekend with these gals in picture form:

 

If you find it in your heart to get past my impulsive iphone picture editing, you can almost see me crying happy tears in every photo. My sister is like a sister to me, it's weird I know. Anyways, these ladies had to get going so I was left to hangout with these idiots for the remainder of my weekend:

*I may or may not have had a "four loco", first of all we won't get into that.

Anyways, so yesterday, we are at MONDAY now. Totally was late for work, because...well I got to see a very special ed friend of mine that I haven't seen in years!

This PYT has been missed! She's "ride or die". Going on deployment with each other, so we will LITERALLY die together. So exciting.

Alright that's that. Do we even need to get into the fact that I walked an old Filipino woman across the street, and bought my co-workers 5 year old daughter froyo? NO? Okay, I mean I'm not a hero. 

That being said, I'm calling it a post. I'm extremely exhausted, but we aren't going to get into that either. Also, PEE ESS: NOT POSTING "THE BOAT CHRONICLES" BECAUSE I JUST DON'T THINK IT'S APPROPRIATE. DIDN'T MAKE THAT DECISION ON MY OWN, BECAUSE I'M NOT THAT SMART.

P.S. My official "You're Whack if you Haven't Seen These Movies" movie list.

Also Known As, "Movies I will be Downloading for Deployment" movie list.

-The War

-Romy and Michele's High School Reunion

-It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

-The Pianist 

-Men of Honor

-Interview with a Vampire

-Training Day

-White Men Can't Jump

-Pee Wee Herman's Great Adventures

-The Departed

-Lords of Dogtown (HEY! don't you dare judge me. I'm in love with Jeremy Renner)

-Good Fellas

duh.

"howds" (what modern day/ hip cowboys say)

It took me nearly 98 million tries to log on to my blog, because I forgot my username. Who even forgets their username? Anyways, I'm back for a little while, just kicking it at my neighborhood Starbucks. Not going to post the "boat chronicles" just yet, figured I'd wait until I'm officially back. Found a fancy little journal I've been eyeing at Barnes and Noble..someone convince my cheap ass to just buy it. Please?

Anyways, the idiot at Starbucks messed up my order. Like, uh what part of grande ice double vanilla latte meant grande iced quadruple shot of espresso latte? I can literally feel my pupils dilate. Today should be interesting. I'm so nonchalant and vague lately, like I'm so totally mello. I can feel the pulse in my wrist just faintly...pulsing. Seriously. Forreal. It's not the good nonchalant either, it's just me adapting to the "flow" of things. Kinda like giving in to all this bull.

Fuck it, I'm buying that journal. I'm buying that iPad. I'm buying that new lens for my camera. I'm going to kill myself.

*figuratively.

Whodathunk?

First of all, do I even need to explain to you why I'm blogging from my iPhone in the "head" at work right now?

I leave today, can't really put too much out on my blog; you know top secret navy stuff, but what I can say is this: I will keep a journal of my day to day events on this "evolution" and write a 900million page blog based on what i can share. Pray for me good people of America. Please pray.

I have a blog?

It's not that I forgot, it's just I'm more than positive that this hangar doesn't have wifi. It would be pretty dumb to bring my laptop to work, huh? Which sucks, considering I've worked 12+ hrs all this week. I could have told my life story in the time I've been here, doing absolutely nothing. Oh, it's Saturday? Oh, my sister flew all the way to Virginia to hangout. Oh, I'm still at work?

Navy, suck 6 million dicks then get a grip for fuck sakes.

Welp

WARNING: If you decide you're going to read this, brace yourself. I'm about to go off on a random spur of the moment tangent based solely on my current emotional state. Viewer discretion is advices. 

We'll start with a question:

Why is it that I can accept that 2 1/2 years ago I joined the Navy somedays, and other days I sit in my car crying my eyes out after a 14hr shift where I have everyone I work with repeatedly reminding me that "this is just a normal day here at 103"? Damn, and realizing that this is my life for the next 3 years isn't sitting right in my tummy. Naturally, I'm an emotional person by default. This was discovered when I was just a young little lassie, but for the last 2 1/2 years I think I've been pretty unbearable to be around. My sensitivity level sky rocketed, and is just chilling in the galaxy of "please let me out of the navy". I'm in dire need of some good news, or a surprise. Like now. Something has gotta change quick, because I'm spooked that I may loose it. It's like every bad thing just feeds on the other, and I get anxious or mad really quickly. Then I don't even remember why I'm angry, so I get embarrassed, thats how this tornado of emotions is born. I really like taking situations that upset me, and flip them so its funny, it helps me cope with the stress. Lately I'll just type it in a note on my iphone, and go back and read them weeks later and crack up laughing all by my lonesome. I wish I could share half of this crap on my blog, but its a bit too personal, and would take me forever to post all of it. Sooooooooo. 

In a nutshell, I'd say truthfully that I'm about 97.6% sure I'm depressed. Being so young, and doing something you absolutely hate because you swore to do it really takes apart of you. A huge part, I mean that part I use to love about myself. It's gone. 2 1/2 years later, and I'm still wondering what happened to me. I'm really sad, simple as that. I hide it pretty well, I must say. Being a huge goof isn't a cover up, but at the end of the day being goofy doesn't help the fact that I feel trapped in someone else's world. I feel really bad for my sister (my best friend) because she gets most of it (all of it). If I need to cry, I call her. If I need to laugh, I call her. She listens, and pretty much tells me to tighten up. However, like most "civilians" she doesn't understand the severity of my stress, so it's kinda pointless in the end. All in all I just want to feel youthful again verses so much pressure to do EVERYTHING right.

Other than family, I don't really have a support system. I have friends. Everyone has friends. If you don't have friends, then you're probably not alive. So that really is scary. Anyways. Most of my friends are actually in the Navy. The Navy has this neat way of sucking harder than Hilter's existence, but introducing beautiful people into your life simultaneously. Having friends in the Navy helps, times 6 million. They understand what I'm going through, and probably feel the same way I do. Probably. Other friends, like "hometown" friends always say the wrong things at the wrong time, and I try my absolute hardest to shut them out. Really horrible thing to say, but after working 9 1/2 hrs with NO food, the last thing I want to do is read a text asking me to do something for you. Whens the last time you even asked me how I am doing? I AM TOTALLY DIRECTING THIS TOWARD SOMEONE. Stop doing that, Diamond. I guess my problem is that my textile definition of the word "friend" is based off tv sitcoms like The Golden Girls and…Friends? So i should probably lower my standards a tad bid. Those people aren't real. Real people don't care that much. Which is why I'm convinced I'm not human, because I care entirely too much. I'm my own worst enemy in the most literal form of the statement.

Also, I basically just sit around in my room, at work, in the grocery store thinking of what I "wish" I could be doing. I honest to God don't have a clue as to what exactly it is, that I'd rather be doing, but a girl can day dream. I mean I left home, BAM, accomplished that. Left the good old "turtles nest" and out in the dark sea of life. BUT excuse me if I missed the memo, but what's next again? What's next for me? Or is this it. This couldn't be it. If so, then what is the god damn point? I mean I did this right? I signed the contract, and gave my life to the government. Who am I to be all pissy on an internet site complaining about how miserable i am. Right? WRONG. I've held my tongue for too long, and that's were this aggression is coming from. My brain is like a god damn volcano, it's erupting onto this blog at 1:06am. Not to completely contradict myself, but I'm not ashamed of myself at all. I've accomplished so much. I love the fact that I'm "serving my country", its a beautiful feeling. It's just not for me, and I'm obligated to live the most uncomfortable life. It's impossible. I can't believe I've done it for this long. Good on me... (dots)

Not to mention I've had the same coat of baby blue polish on my toe nails since November.

Uhhhh, I'm going to bed.